Why I Didn’t Believe

For most of my life, I thought there was only one way of living. I thought we were all required to live a certain way, our partially unique journeys leading us all to the same destination. You know, the life where you are raised by your parents, graduate high school, go to college to get a degree, pursue a career within that field, meet someone, get married, and live happily ever after. I spoke briefly of this in a couple of my previous posts, but this has been something that has conflicted my life and my goals for quite some time, so I wanted to go more in depth about it.

After I graduated high school, I didn’t go to college because I had literally ZERO clue what I wanted to do. I was working full-time and had strong beliefs that experience is worth more than a piece of paper. Many of my family members hounded me with things like “How are you going to get a job?” “What do you plan on doing with your life?” “Are you just going to work at Waterway forever then?” While I still believe there is much truth to the experience thing under certain circumstances, I did end up going back to school.

So here begins my internal conflict with what I actually wanted to do. I have switched my major, I think, six times? Yes, that’s right, six times. Upon enrolling, I knew I wanted to do something that was with people. Psychology. I have been drawn to it since who knows when. You know how many people frown upon a psych major? I had no idea until I spoke about it. They automatically jump to things like “Well are you going to go to grad school to be a doctor?” “You can’t really do anything with a bachelor’s in psychology you know.” and “So you want to be a counselor?” Okay, one: I haven’t made any plans to go to grad school, no. Two: So basically you’re saying that the knowledge I obtain during undergrad as a psychology major is useless? Three: Why is psych always directly associated with counseling? Just because someone is a criminal justice major does not automatically mean they want to be a cop. THE WORLD IS INFINITE. STOP PUTTING LIMITS ON SHIT. This… This is why I switched out of psychology three times, because I let these people convince me that I wouldn’t be able to provide a future for myself with this degree. (I am back to psychology now, by the way. 100% ready.)

Next up, plans for my future. As I discussed in https://fusembition.wordpress.com/2017/08/05/i-thought/ , I always seemed to be pulled back into other peoples’ dreams instead of following my own. I think a lot of the reason for this was that I didn’t believe in mine because they don’t necessarily follow the norm or guidelines provided by today’s society. I had a recent discussion with a friend about college and degrees and jobs and such. She had just about every single aspect planned out from her graduation date, to where she was going to move after, to the exact place she would apply to start her career. Which is great. For her. For me though, things are a little different. When you mention to somebody that you’re an aspiring blogger and entrepreneur, people either a.) laugh, b.) ask “no, really, like what are you going to do like with your degree?, or c.) pretend to be supportive but secretly judge the hell out of you. Which, I suppose, is understandable. In today’s world we’re all expected to do the same thing and when someone does something that is completely out of the norm, most assume that they’re likely to fail.

I didn’t believe in me or my dreams because I depended on other people to believe in them. I would talk about them hoping that somebody would show as much excitement as I feel inside and when no one did, I pushed them aside. I would let a part of me not believe and take over, deciding that I should pick a “normal” degree so that I can have a “normal” job. This turned into a vicious cycle of me trying to be “normal” continued by me being drawn back to writing, to blogging, and learning about people the way that I want to. Normalcy has not been in my favor.

I am not going to sit here and wait for somebody else to believe in my dreams for me because the likelihood of that happening is slim to none. It’s hard to believe in things that don’t happen often. It’s hard to understand how a person could want to stray away from the easy route. I get that. I get that 100%, but there is no way in hell that I am going to let that continue to affect me and affect my pursuing of what I want.

If I can give you any advice, it is to follow your heart. I know I know I know how cliché that sounds, but the fact that I have been putting my own life and goals that I truly want just because multiple people gave me a funny look is not something I want for anybody else. It doesn’t matter how stupid or silly or crazy or far-fetched you sound. If you want to go to college to be a doctor, go be a damn doctor. If you want to start a business, do what you need to do to get started. If you want to rescue dogs, rescue the damn dogs!!! Do what you want, when you want. There will always be people with small minds that only see things one way. No matter what they say, no matter what they believe, your dreams are attainable. They are attainable. Believe.

Choices

Do not forget that you are always given a choice. No matter the situation or the circumstances, you always have a choice. We are only given a short amount of time to live our life in a way that is unique to who we are. Time is limited. Cherish it. Utilize it. Make the best of the minimal amount of time that you are given in this world.

It is entirely up to you. While we may have our own fates, it is the choices we make day in and day out that determine our lives. Do not deny yourself the simple pleasures that bring you great joy; for those are the things you will remember and hold on to for all of eternity.

You are beautiful. You are unique. You are the only you in this world, take advantage of that. Take advantage of the entirety that is your life. You are blessed to say that you are here and you are living and you are given the opportunity to live exactly how you want. Do not ever take that for granted.

This world is yours. It is yours completely. How incredible is it that you can wake up and have twenty-four hours of nothing but choices?

Right Now

As people, we are constantly yearning for more.

More money, more clothes, more opportunities, more status, more gifts.

Each of these will “fix” its respective problem in our lives.

Although we are problem-solvers, we are likely the creator of these problems.

When I get this, I will be happier.

When I buy that, I will look better.

When I lose weight, I will love myself.

When I move away, I will start over.

 

What about now?

Why is it that we do not teach our children and each other to enjoy the things we do have? The people in our lives? To love ourselves right now? The gifts and treasure we already have in our presence? Why must we always search for more without appreciating what we already have?

If you are constantly looking for a problem to solve, chances are you are the one creating the problem. Remember that if you are always searching for happiness, you will almost never find it.

Open your eyes and it is there. In front of you, next to you, behind you, around you.

Right here, right now.

When the World Stops

Yesterday I felt it happen. I felt the world come to a complete stop and I can honestly say that I have never experienced anything like it. I want to make my entire life feel like yesterday felt.

It’s that feeling when nothing else matters except for the exact moment that you are living in. Yes, you can pretend to feel that and question whether or not you feel it but when it happens, it is without a doubt one of the greatest moments of your life. And you’ll know it.

(So I don’t typically do personal posts, not really sure why but I am going to try to start involving you guys more in my life and what takes place beyond this keyboard to further my relationship with readers.)

Yesterday. Wow. I am so happy to be able to say that I competed in my first powerlifting meet. For those of you that don’t know what this entails, one that competes in powerlifting is given three attempts at each lift: squat, bench, and deadlift. I won’t go into detail about those because there’s a super cool thing called Google to do that for me. Competing in a meet has been a goal of mine for some years now, and I experienced so much more than I ever thought I would.

It wasn’t even necessarily about the lifts to me that made the world stop. Perhaps not even the (AMAZINGLY POSITIVE) environment that I was in for a day. It was about everything. It was about being outside of my body and watching the world freeze for just an instant. Watching everything that I’ve progressively worked so hard toward come together in one small moment. It was watching myself grow from the first day of prep nine weeks ago, to the first day of peak, to meet day. My accomplishments, personal records, failures, confidence growth, knowledge, questions, experiences, all of it. All of it was visible in that one singular moment.

It’s the feeling you get when you lose yourself in your own personal art. Or in another person. The way the world stops when you look into another’s eyes. Or when you accomplish a goal that is so important to you. The feeling you get when everything comes together, when it is just right. How you can almost watch yourself as you do what you love. Whatever that may be, hold on to it. Keep pursuing it. Grasp that goal, that person, that art. Let that be your motive, your will. If you can make the world stop one time, you can make it stop a million times, allowing yourself to live your dreams. Live in your moments. Watching everything happen slowly, then all at once. Flooding your heart with gratification, love, accomplishment. You won’t have to search for it because when you feel it, you will know. When the world stops, you will know.

—————————————————————————————————————————————-

Some facts about how the meet went: Competing in the 132lb weight class, I went 7/9 on my attempts and totaled 630lbs. (Again, if you have no clue what I’m talking about, either pretend you do or hit up my friend Google. Or you can find me on social media.) I got first in my class and ended with a Best Lifter award as well. My brother also competed alongside me and received first in his class. It was amazing to watch not only myself, but my brother grow throughout prep for this meet. The energy was so high and I met some truly incredible individuals pursuing similar goals. Having my family there to see it all brought everything together for me. It was honestly a magical day. (Plus I even had an excuse to eat a rather excessive amount of food!)

I plan on competing again in a different federation in December as I drop a weight class and hopefully increase my numbers. Fitness, like writing, is truly part of who I am and I plan on sharing more and more of what I love with the world. Thank you to those of you that continuously follow and support me through either/both passions of mine.